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This Imperfect Journey

One aspect of relationships I have always excelled at is pushing away men that were previously interested in me. Below is a tried and true list of magic phrases I’ve used to make a man disappear (usually not on purpose). Got a guy you’re trying to lose? Suck at breaking up with people? Try out one if these lines.

“The last guy I dated had a huuuge penis. Like, almost too big… The sex was amazing though.”

“What’s your ex’s name? I want to google her.”

“My goal is to get married within the next 6 to 12 months.” This one I would actually use to purposely get rid of overzealous suitors. Success rate: 100%.

“So, last night I was on (insert name of dating site where you met) and saw you were on too… I’ve noticed you still go on there a lot. I also found your profile at…

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