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Rebound

Rebound relationships are like dessert after a big meal: you know at the time that you don’t necessarily need it, but it feels so good to have.  Also like dessert, however, it likely does not contain the nutrition you really need, and you could regret having it.  Do you find yourself in rebound relationships often?  Would you even know if you were?  There’s a reason why “rebound relationships” are different from ordinary relationships, and if you’re the type of person falling in and out of love quickly, it’s time to take a look at your relationship habits.

A relationship is considered a “rebound” when you have recently gotten out one relationship and quickly gotten into the next.  Ending any kind of relationship is difficult, so people often soften the hurt by “rebounding” off of the potential joy of a new relationship.  While having a new relationship might seem like a good idea at first, many people make the mistake of not really understanding why they are getting into their next relationship.  If they lack this understanding, then chances are high that they will repeat the same emotionally detrimental process of ending this relationship and jumping right into another one.  Hurt feelings and dashed hopes are just two of the consequences of too much rebounding.

Some individuals don’t realize it, but they feel the need to constantly be in a relationship.  This need usually arises from the fact that they don’t feel confident enough about themselves to be on their own.  They get their validation – their feeling of worth – from someone else.  So once a relationship goes away, so does that feeling of worth.  Don’t get trapped by trying to find your value in what someone else thinks of you!  Instead, make sure that you’re finding your own value, your own identity, your own worth right inside of yourself.

The best way for an individual to get out of the cycle of rebound relationships and to begin finding their own self-worth is to ask a simple question.  Many people get into relationships because they want to get something out of the relationship.  Instead, you should ask yourself, “What do I have to give someone else in a relationship?”  Relationships are not about feeling good about yourself or getting your identity; relationships are about what you have to give someone else, and what that someone else has to give to you.

This is why people fall in and out of love often.  When they are trying to get a feeling or sense of worth from someone else, it might last for a little while – but as soon as that feeling goes away, then all sense of self-worth vanishes.  Strong, lasting relationships are built on knowing yourself first.  If you are in a relationship because you have something to give, then it is more likely to last because you can keep giving to the other person as much as you want, and if that other person is giving to you too, then both of you will be mutually satisfied.

So even though dessert is always tempting, remember that it’s not always the right thing at the time.  Everyone knows that the best dessert is enjoyed as part of a balanced meal.  So what’s your “relationship diet” like?  Don’t stuff yourself on rebound relationships, but instead get into a relationship when you know you have your own dessert to offer someone else.

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