Well it’s that time of year again. Women everywhee are plotting, trying to figure out how to get rid of their “old” men and searching for something fresh and new. Someone they feel knows their “value”. But I can’t help but wonder, do these women even know what their value is? Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with wanting to upgrade, hell Beyonce even made a song about it, but be careful. I say that to say you need to be aware of what it is you’re dealing with when you start messing with someone, especially if you are considering them a Mr. Right or a Mr. Upgrade. The things I’m talking are subtle too and they aren’t going to jump out and grab your attention like an Audemar encrusted with diamonds. A man will show a woman how much he values her in the small things he does which is why it’s so important to be in tune with not only with what YOU want but with what you DON’T want.

Here’s a few examples of how to tell if your value has dropped faster than a brand new car that has just been driven off the car lot:

If he’s spending time with you but has a plan “B” on stand-by: his boys, texting, laptop and facebooking, etc. then it’s safe to assume that your value is pretty much zero.

If his phone rings while you’re together and he tries to act like he don’t hear it but looks at you like you’re crazy when you bring it up…..nuff said. ZERO VALUE.

It’s that time of year and you don’t get a call tellling you Merry Christmas on Christmas morning or he hasn’t even ATTEMPTED to make plans with you for New Years Eve…..matter of fact it  hasn’t even came up…. Value = 0

Last but definitely not least….

If he is head over heels for you, blowing you up day and night. But once he gets that ass his interest goes from 60 to 0 then so has your value in is eyes. It’s really simple math. You can’t brush your teeth good because you’re phone keeps blowing up with texts….you have sex….now you are staring at your phone wondering if it’s been disconnected. No Value.

Now there IS a flipside….the ones who see value in women and have no problem showing it when they are interested.

For instance, and this is one of my favorite old school gestures. And honestly it NEVER gets old.  A man should get OFFENDED (and yes I have had men fuss at me for even REACHING for a door handle) when you and him are together and you even attempt to touch a door handle. Car door, building door, etc. If he reaches for that handle first, or gets out and makes sure he walks around and opens your door for you….he just might be a keeper. No….he is a keeper.

Another one…if you’re out walking one  night on a nice date and he wraps his arm around your waist and moves you to the INSIDE of the sidewalk away from the street. He definitely sees value there.

This next one is a little tricky because both men and women can screw this up. But if he knows that love is an VERB and not a NOUN then he is definitely a keeper. Anything he does, especially if he goes out of his way, to show you he loves you is definitely showing you he values you. One of my favorite things to do when someone tells me something like “I love you” or “I am really feeling you” I counter with “Prove it…” Words are just that. Words. They get added and deleted from Webster daily. Now ladies calm down….prove it doesn’t mean he has to bust his checking account wide open to prove he loves you and if you think he does then maybe he should leave your childish ass alone.

If you have a man who makes it a point to try his damndest to schedule his plans around you that in and of itself proves he sees value in you. For that matter if everything stops and becomes secondary when you call (now you can’t be calling and disrupting his day because you bored….but if it’s urgent..then go ahead) then he is definitely a keeper. Your value is definitely off the chart.

Ladies basically if you know your value before you step in a situation there is no confusion or frustration and you know when it’s time to bounce. Set your bar and standards and LEAVE THEM THERE. Don’t settle because you don’t have to.  You deserve whatever you want and so much more remember that as we go into this new year. Stop letting these men think they are doing YOU a favor by spending time, texting or calling you. Let THEM be YOUR option but only if you want them to be. Love you first the rest will fall into place.

My favorite line from Beyonce’s Upgrade U and the one I will repeat to myself  over and over again is:

“I’m that little glimpse of light that makes that diamond really shine and you already is a star but unless you flawless then ya dynasty ain’t complete without a chief like me…..Partner let me upgrade YOU…”


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