friendcest: (slang) n. The act of dating (or engaging in sexual activities with) one’s friends
There are a lot of things in this world that I just will not do. Among those things, committing “friendcest” is one of them. I do not cross the line with friends. I mean…come on…ick. This is not to say I date random strangers, but what I mean is that I don’t date my close friends. By close friends, I mean we hang out alone without awkward silences, we know all about each other’s exes, and routinely swap secrets (think category 4 from my last friendship post). I only date moderately close friends or even simple acquaintances. Now, at this point I’m sure you’re mentally asking me:
“But wait a minute- don’t you need to know someone really well in order to date him/her?”
Well okay, fine. You do, but in this case I just don’t like it beause it’s more like you know the person too well. This is why I call it friendcest (friends + incest = friendcest). I know wayyyyyy too much about my male friends. We’re like siblings. You wouldn’t date your sibling, so why would you date your close friend? Ew.
It’s just kinda gross, if you ask me. Especially for me because my guy friends do some really nasty stuff in front of me that (I hope) they would never do in front of girlfriends. Y’all know who y’all are. There’s a level of intimacy that exists which crosses all bounds, both emotional and hygienic. I mean, there are only so many times I can hear you (and smell you) belch before I stop seeing you as a romantic or sexual being. There are only so many times I can handle you asking me to grab you a roll of toilet paper while you’re in there doing your number two. Theses are all things I don’t need nor want to start out being aware of early on in a relationship. Alas, once we know we cannot un-know…
Anyway, besides the I-know-you-far-too-well problem, the other reason why I think this is a bad idea is because it could ruin your friendship. Every time you fall in love you think it’s gonna be for forever, but let’s be real: how many exes do you have? Now how many ex friends do you have? The latter number is almost always going to be smaller than the former (if it’s not then you have bigger problems, my friend).
Friendships are much more solid than romantic relationships.
And just in case my previous two points aren’t enough, how about that pesky problem of mutual friends? Relationships are fragile little critters and don’t survive well when a lot of other people get involved. When you have mutual friends, you have friends who suddenly are giving their opinion on your personal life because they “just know both of you so well” or who wanna “want to help you help yourselves.” However well-meaning these friends may be, I strongly suggest they be taken into a back alley and shot. Relationships, unlike pool parties, do not improve once you start adding more people. Friends start taking sides, or they completely withdraw from you both because they don’t want to get involved, and God forbid you’re the type of couple who fights in public and ruins everyone’s damn bowling night.
Being friends with someone is far different from dating them. I promise you I’m not trying to be a pessimist, and I know several people who have successfully dated friends and they’re very happy together. However, it can be messy and so all I’m saying to you is beware. Look before you leap. Then re-think leaping in the first place. Then maybe,maybe, take a teensy step forward.
Now that I’ve explained my thoughts on that instance, adding some sexy time to your friendship is taking things to a whole different plane. I don’t have enough time to talk about that one. Should I address friends with benefits in my next post? Let me know!