Tag Archives: Relationships

This is truly one of the most amazing Italian songs ever. For those that don’t know its about a fathers love for his daughter and how he sad that she is growing up and doesn’t need him anymore. This song has a lot of meaning to me since it was and always will be me and my father’s song. Even though he is no longer here with me, every time I hear this song I think of him. And I know I will always be his little girl no matter what.


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Let’s be honest: Dating is getting tougher.

Let’s be honest: Dating could be easier if women didn’t make the 5 following mistakes:

Do nothing.  Some women believe that when the time is right or when they will the least expect it, it will happen: they will meet him. Let’s be honest: if you are reading this blog you don’t believe in this saying anymore and you are willing to take a more pro-active approach. You are right: you will meet him because you make it happen.
Wait for men to make the first move.  Some women wait for men to find out that they are single and make the first move. Let’s be honest: it doesn’t happen this way anymore. Men rarely face their fear of rejection unless you clearly show them that you are interested in them. Either look at them with your best smile to let them know you are interested in them, or go to them.
Believe that they will be accepted the way they are.  Men have choice but let’s be honest, they will always go for feminine women: a woman who looks after herself, dresses like a woman, has discrete makeup, combs her hair, and more importantly behaves like a woman. They may accept you the way you are after you prove them that you are a woman worth having, not before.
Don’t know what they are looking for.  Some women cannot find their man because they don’t know what they are looking for in a man. If they knew it, they would be looking for it and would stop looking once they have found it. Another alternative is that they expectations are so high that they have become unrealistic. Be clear and it will happen
Wait for the man to do all the work.  Some women think that their date must do anything: look for the venue, arrange the details, pay the bill, make conversation, etc. This may sounds like the ideal situation, but it only depicts you in the worst way possible: someone who is dependent. On the contrary show initiative and interest in him and the dating process, and you’ll win him over in no time.

“I know you hate when you don’t get to speak to me until you fall asleep. I been slacking and I know my friend has been interfering a lot baby. Just know that I appericate you putting up with it and I will try to control going out because I know you don’t like baby. I’m sorry, I don’t like seeing you mad or upset it kills me baby, it really does. I just always want you to smile. That’s why I try my hardest to make you smile everyday. Believe me baby I cherish your smile. I know the only person that could make you smile is resting in peace and I feel like he came down and put us together. I never thought I would see you again until I saw your brother and its a little embrassing to say but I was looking for you baby. You are my queen. I know a lot of things you’re not use to and I might be a cruel son of a bitch sometimes. But I mean it from a good place in my heart. I don’t mean to be a dick and ignorant towards you. In some ways its the way I can express certain things which is wrong. But I don’t know how to help myself sometimes so forgive me! But I just want you to know you changed a 100% well more like 95%, but your getting there baby. You’re starting to understand what I want from my wife. I call you my wifey and I never called nobody wifey but you. I call you wifey because you put up with me and still love me regardless. And for that I will always love you and cater to you.”

Love waking up the long as texts like this from him. We may fight or disagree but at the end of the day our love for each other is stronger than ever. Without love in a relationship you have nothing!

Yesterday was truly beautiful here in NY . So me and my boyfriend decided to take a walk on the boardwalk at one of the local beaches and sit and take the sun in.









I would love to write this down and send it to you, but the idea of opening a social channel to you again makes me angry and scared all at once. I am finally rid of you and I never want you back in my life again. I know you tend to drop by here every now and again, lurking. Checking up on me was something you were always great at. Theres a million things I want to say to you, a million things I have said but I don’t think you understood it to the full extent. To say I hate you would be an understatement, I’d love to say you’re nothing to me because really you are nothing…but your presence in my life has affected me greatly. I sit here with angry tears rolling down my face knowing that you’ve probably moved on and are entirely happy, never thinking about anything that happened, you said you’d always love and miss me, I bet that feeling has passed. I want you to know that although I don’t care for you and am in a very happy relationship I can see going somewhere amazing…I haven’t moved on, I still hear those horrible words you called me, I still feel your hands grabbing me, I still hear you shouting, I still see you’re evil eyes – those ones I saw when you turned up at my house, I still feel that anger when I think about you, as if your still here. I still get mad if people ask me more questions than I think they should, it makes my jaw clench and my teeth grind. I hate how you’ve made me feel about myself, I can’t shake it. Every so often I look in the mirror and see a horrible ugly evil little slut looking back at me. That was you’re favourite nickname for me wasn’t it? Are you happy that it’s stuck? I don’t see me anymore! You’ve made me lose all confidence in myself. I always pick on something because thats what you’ve made me used to. I know no one is perfect but you made me feel so fucking far away from it. Thats what I hate the most.

Everything else you’ve done to me, I’ve dealt with. It may not be healed, but I’ve dealt with it. I want that fun, loving, bubbly girl back. That’s all I want. She used to be able to talk to everyone, she spoke a lot better than I do, she wasn’t nervous about meeting new people, she didn’t take hours to get ready and still feel shit. She spent years building up her confidence and she had learned to love herself, just before you came along to destroy her. I have pictures of her with her friends all over my room, none of me. They are all of her, that girl thats no longer around. She was always smiling and laughing, please give her back to me.

This may sound crazy, but I also want to thank you. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t appreciate the relationship I have now. He never once questions anything I do. He looks at me with such love as if he is looking at his most priced possession, as if there is nothing else in the world. He never pushes me or fights, he knows who I am and he loves me that way. You pushed me to him and for that I am forever grateful. You made me open my eyes. You made me realise that everything I ever wanted was right beside me since I was 12 years old. His very first words to me were “you’re beautiful”, he tells me all the time. He never tells me I’m an evil bitch, or ugly or that I deserve to die. I hope you realize now how you’ve made me feel. I hope I learn to like myself again, I hope I get myself back and I hope I never see/hear from you again.

I’ve been kind of distant from my blog lately. To be honest I’ve been kind of distant from life. I’m not feeling very motivated or inspired. I’m not feeling very good about myself. The last few months have been hard on me, I’ve cried a lot, especially this week. I’ve been down and been finding things a little more difficult. I don’t really know how to explain how I feel or why I feel it. I just feel down, I feel like giving up and going to bed.

I want my confidence back. I really need it back at this stage. I feel really awkward lately, I find it difficult to talk to people and to be around people. I feel like I’ve lost who I am. Over the past year, my friends have been complaining (mostly behind my back so I’m told) that I’m never around anymore. Yes, I have been busy, I’m trying to balance a lot but honestly, I just don’t know how to be around them, I don’t know how to act. Someone made me feel alone, one by one he got rid of my friends and separated me from the world. He told them lies which some of them believed, he told me one of my friends was telling him things about me. Even after we broke up, my parents (& myself) were afraid to let me go out because he would threaten to go too. I was afraid of what would happen. He showed up a couple of times, so I just stayed in. I felt alone, isolated. My now bf knew the whole situation. He was a great friend for so long that I knew I could 100% trust him. He kept me company as I waited for things to blow over, he was so amazing. When they did, it was hard to go back out. My friends had new jokes, new bonds, that I wasn’t apart of. Being around my college friends was easier, they didn’t know the old me. I have made more of an effort to keep in touch, but it’s a reminder of things I don’t like thinking about.

Two years on and I think I feel worse. I don’t really know how to be around people or my friends. I have the least amount of confidence I’ve ever had. Time with my bf is the greatest time in the world, he brings back me! When I’m around him, I feel like that 12-15 year old happy girl. I want her back. I just don’t know how to feel better about myself.

I’m not very good with letting people see me being vunerable. I hardly ever cry infront of people. My bf keeps asking whats wrong and what he can do to help. I wish I could give him a better answer than “I dunno, I’m just sad”. I think writing this has helped me, hopefully I’ll be able to tell him now and open up. Perhaps, that too will make me feel better. Thank you for reading this, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love & support you show here on my blog. I really appreciate it.


friendcest: (slang) n. The act of dating (or engaging in sexual activities with) one’s  friends

There are a lot of things in this world that I just will not do. Among those things, committing “friendcest” is one of themI do not cross the line with friends. I mean…come on…ick. This is not to say I date random strangers, but what I mean is that I don’t date my close friends. By close friends, I mean we hang out alone without awkward silences, we know all about each other’s exes, and routinely swap secrets (think category 4 from my last friendship post). I only date moderately close friends or even simple acquaintances. Now, at this point I’m sure you’re mentally asking me:

“But wait a minute- don’t you need to know someone really well in order to date him/her?”


Well okay, fine. You do, but in this case I just don’t like it beause it’s more like you know the person too well. This is why I call it friendcest (friends + incest = friendcest). I know wayyyyyy too much about my male friends. We’re like siblings. You wouldn’t date your sibling, so why would you date your close friend? Ew.

It’s just kinda gross, if you ask me. Especially for me because my guy friends do some really nasty stuff in front of me that (I hope) they would never do in front of girlfriends. Y’all know who y’all are. There’s a level of intimacy that exists which crosses all bounds, both emotional and hygienic. I mean, there are only so many times I can hear you (and smell you) belch before I stop seeing you as a romantic or sexual being. There are only so many times I can handle you asking me to grab you a roll of toilet paper while you’re in there doing your number two. Theses are all things I don’t need nor want to start out being aware of early on in a relationship. Alas, once we know we cannot un-know…

Anyway, besides the I-know-you-far-too-well problem, the other reason why I think this is a bad idea is because it could ruin your friendship. Every time you fall in love you think it’s gonna be for forever, but let’s be real: how many exes do you have? Now how many ex friends do you have? The latter number is almost always going to be smaller than the former (if it’s not then you have bigger problems, my friend).

Friendships are much more solid than romantic relationships.

And just in case my previous two points aren’t enough, how about that pesky problem of mutual friends? Relationships are fragile little critters and don’t survive well when a lot of other people get involved. When you have mutual friends, you have friends who suddenly are giving their opinion on your personal life because they “just know both of you so well” or who wanna “want to help you help yourselves.” However well-meaning these friends may be, I strongly suggest they be taken into a back alley and shot. Relationships, unlike pool parties, do not improve once you start adding more people. Friends start taking sides, or they completely withdraw from you both because they don’t want to get involved, and God forbid you’re the type of couple who fights in public and ruins everyone’s damn bowling night.

Being friends with someone is far different from dating them. I promise you I’m not trying to be a pessimist, and I know several people who have successfully dated friends and they’re very happy together. However, it can be messy and so all I’m saying to you is beware. Look before you leap. Then re-think leaping in the first place. Then maybe,maybe, take a teensy step forward.

Now that I’ve explained my thoughts on that instance, adding some sexy time to your friendship is taking things to a whole different plane. I don’t have enough time to talk about that one. Should I address friends with benefits in my next post? Let me know!