Let’s Stop This

Definition of the word “Bully”:

Noun:

1. A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing

2. A hired ruffian; a thug

Verb:

1. To treat in an overbearing or intimidating manner

2. To force one’s way aggressively or by intimidation

Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.

Once I had a grasp on exactly what bullying was, I wanted to know why? Why do people bully? Here is what I found:

Studies have shown that envy and resentment may be motives for bullying. Research on the self-esteem of bullies has produced equivocal results. While some bullies are arrogant and narcissistic, others can use bullying as a tool to conceal shame or anxiety or to boost self-esteem: by demeaning others, the abuser feels empowered.

I asked myself many times, as most victims of bullies do, why me? What did I do to deserve this type of treatment? The answer is absolutely nothing. Bullying has nothing to do with the victim and everything to do with the internal struggle of the bully. Bullies are simply crying out for attention that they cannot receive in other ways. It is actually quite sad, especially when seen in adults.

Previously, when I would think of bullies and bullying, I would picture a group of big kids picking on a smaller kid on the playground. It was only after watching myself get bullied did I realize that adult bullying exists. I found the following information interesting, informative and extremely familiar.

There are several different types of adult bullies.

1. Narcissistic Adult Bully: This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Additionally, there is little anxiety about consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.

2. Impulsive Adult Bully: Adult bullies in this category are more spontaneous and plan their bullying out less. Even if consequences are likely, this adult bully has a hard time restraining his or her behavior.

3. Physical Bully: While adult bullying rarely turns to physical confrontation, there are, nonetheless, bullies that use physicality. In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination through looming. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim’s property, rather than physically confronting the victim.

4. Verbal Adult Bully: Words can be quite damaging. Adult bullies who use this type of tactic may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. This subtle type of bullying also has the advantage – to the bully – of being difficult to document.

5. Secondary Adult Bully: This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves.

Not all bullies fit into one category. Some adult bullies possess a variety of traits from each. The question is, how do we handle these adult bullies? In my research, I am yet to find the answer. At this point, all I can do is bring awareness to the fact that adult bullying exists and should not be a behavior that is glorified.

One never knows the personal struggles an individual is going through at any given moment and we need to be cautious and careful with one another. If you are unable to come to a common ground, it is best to agree to disagree, exit stage left and remove yourself from the situation and the person that is bringing negativity into your life.

What I experienced was extremely difficult and emotional for me, as I’m sure it is for all victims of bullying. At the same time, I now have a platform to bring awareness to the issue of adult bullying in today’s society.

References:

http://www.bullyingstatics.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

http://www.thefreedictionary.com

Get Real

At this point we are all too old to be building attractions over who’s fly, who’s cute, who has money, or who has a nice body! Like really? It’s time for young men and women to think about more important things. Like who comes from a good family, has a good head on their shoulders, who has ambition, goals, a future and most of all who can build a future with you!

Lifeis not about bad bitches and rich guys!!! Our generation needs to get REAL!!!!!!

Audio: Nas- Daughters

Sorry

I’ve been kind of distant from my blog lately. To be honest I’ve been kind of distant from life. I’m not feeling very motivated or inspired. I’m not feeling very good about myself. The last few months have been hard on me, I’ve cried a lot, especially this week. I’ve been down and been finding things a little more difficult. I don’t really know how to explain how I feel or why I feel it. I just feel down, I feel like giving up and going to bed.

I want my confidence back. I really need it back at this stage. I feel really awkward lately, I find it difficult to talk to people and to be around people. I feel like I’ve lost who I am. Over the past year, my friends have been complaining (mostly behind my back so I’m told) that I’m never around anymore. Yes, I have been busy, I’m trying to balance a lot but honestly, I just don’t know how to be around them, I don’t know how to act. Someone made me feel alone, one by one he got rid of my friends and separated me from the world. He told them lies which some of them believed, he told me one of my friends was telling him things about me. Even after we broke up, my parents (& myself) were afraid to let me go out because he would threaten to go too. I was afraid of what would happen. He showed up a couple of times, so I just stayed in. I felt alone, isolated. My now bf knew the whole situation. He was a great friend for so long that I knew I could 100% trust him. He kept me company as I waited for things to blow over, he was so amazing. When they did, it was hard to go back out. My friends had new jokes, new bonds, that I wasn’t apart of. Being around my college friends was easier, they didn’t know the old me. I have made more of an effort to keep in touch, but it’s a reminder of things I don’t like thinking about.

Two years on and I think I feel worse. I don’t really know how to be around people or my friends. I have the least amount of confidence I’ve ever had. Time with my bf is the greatest time in the world, he brings back me! When I’m around him, I feel like that 12-15 year old happy girl. I want her back. I just don’t know how to feel better about myself.

I’m not very good with letting people see me being vunerable. I hardly ever cry infront of people. My bf keeps asking whats wrong and what he can do to help. I wish I could give him a better answer than “I dunno, I’m just sad”. I think writing this has helped me, hopefully I’ll be able to tell him now and open up. Perhaps, that too will make me feel better. Thank you for reading this, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love & support you show here on my blog. I really appreciate it.

First Tattoo

So today was a big day for me. Finally got over my big fear and got my tattoo. I got a rose on my lower right leg in memory of my father. Have to say it didn’t hurt as much as I thought as it would.

So please feel free to comment. What do you guys think?

Cheesecake Factory

Chicken pasta with chips, chicken, and asparagus in a chipotle sauce.

Teriyaki chicken with steamed white rice and fried bananas.

Again photos were taken by Reem. Please check his blog out at ReemsBlog

Yard House

Garden Salad – Lettuce, Corn, Tomato, Cheese, Peppers, Croutons, & Carrots

Jerk Chicken & Shrimp Stack – Mango, Zucchini, Salsa Jack Corn, peppers sour cream tomatillo, & red chili sauce (1300 cal.)

Mac + Cheese – Chicken breast, apple-wood bacon. wild mushrooms, cheddar Parmesan. Campanella pasta, & truffle
oil (1890 cal.)

All photos were taken by my lovely boyfriend Reem. You can also check his blog out here ReemsBlog . Truly amazing stuff on his blog! So go check it out!

Abuse

I hope a lot of people feel the way i do about standing up against child abuse, it will be encouraging to hear different types of opinions on this subject. Throughout the years i have heard so much about child abuse. It’s heartbreaking to hear a baby/child/kid is getting abuse in any type of way but it’s even worse when their is absolutely a thin thread of justice for it. The people doing these types of abuses aren’t psychologically in their right state of mind because who in the right state of mind would hurt someone who isn’t capable of helping themselves or defending themselves?…someone who is weak minded, someone who doesn’t know right from wrong, someone who can’t control their emotions and reactions, someone who should be put in jail automatically after hurting a child.

This is a sensitive subject that a lot of people aren’t aware of, I’ve read books, I’ve seen the news, Ive met children who go through these types of abuses and it just doesn’t make sense to me how anyone can be capable of such abuse. On the news I saw that a guy in his mid-twenties purposely bathe a 10 month old baby in burning hot water until he burned half of the babies skin off while rubbing it, he threw the baby on the floor and started kicking him simultaneously. Now i think to myself “what in the world was this guy thinking?”, “who would do such thing to a baby”….. I’m not a mother I don’t have my own kids yet but I am an older sister and I know you need a lot of patience to have a baby, it takes a lot to raise a child but their is no excuse for this extreme behavior and it should never escalate to this much…just imagine the excruciating pain this baby was going through…even when we as adults get a little cut or burn it hurts a lot, on a child/baby is much worse….these indefensible baby’s need justice.

A lot of people that commit these crimes go to jail for 2 to 3 years and their out having a normal life afterwards. Theirs parents that abuse their child for years and no one ever finds out, these children suffer quietly and of course suffer growing up as well because of these abuses. If you have read ” A child called IT” Dave Pelzer’s autobiographical book on his alleged abuse as a child by an alcoholic mother; you would really understand the meaning of these abusive homes and the emotional/psychical damage it leaves forever. I wish their were more people involve in these cases because i feel like their is hardly any type of movement done for these specific situations.

EVERYONE SHOULD BE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE!

STOP KONY!!

KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo

INVISIBLE CHILDREN | KONY 2012

Hibachi Date

I had a opportunity to have some amazing Hibach Food. If you don’t know what Hibach Food is take a look here. My boyfriend and I don’t really eat this all the time. But if we could, we would. It’s just that damn amazing. Check a few photos I snapped while our food was being prepared.